Mariks Evil Council of Doom
by TurboDuel
Summary: A series of quick and short stories about Marik's and Dartz's councils and their never ending quest to destroy Yugi, the Pharaoh, and each other.
1. Marik Gets Yaoied

**Somewhere in Egypt…**

In the hide out of Marik's Evil Council of Doom Steve Umbris was singing his favorite song. "Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. Jimmy cracked corn and I don't carrrrrrrr."

"Will you shut the f$k up!" Bakura screamed. "I hate that bloody song!"

"Man don't be ruining my flow." Umbris told him.

"How many god damn times do I have to tell you?" Bakura yelled. "I don't give a damn about your bloody flow!"

"Now Bakura you have to admit it is a catchy tune." Pegasus said. "Jimmy crack…"

Bakura turned towards Pegasus and gave him a death glance. "Pegasus if you start singing that song I will conjure up every ounce of evil power in the Millennium Ring and make your life a living hell!"

"Well it wouldn't be the first time." Pegasus said. "When you removed the Millennium Eye from my socket I felt simply un-fabulous for two months."

"Just be grateful the anime didn't follow the manga version of our encounter." Bakura told him.

"Wait a second." Pegasus said. "What happened in the manga?"

But before another word could be said Marik walked into the room. "Welcome back gentlemen. I now call this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order. Now on to new business, the destruction of Yugi Muto and the Pharaoh."

"You call that new business?" Bakura asked.

"What does that mean?" Marik asked.

"Oh nothing. Just the fact that we've been having all these council meetings trying to destroy Yugi and the Pharaoh and nothings gotten done." Bakura said. "Let's face it the most productive meeting we had was the one where Melvin took control of your body and killed the Moon Steve's and Weevil with a chainsaw and then proceeded to kill Yugi with the same chainsaw spilling his guts all over the rug. And to top it all off that was just I dream I had."

"Bakura's right." Zorc said. "The most we've done was spam Yugi's YouTube profile."

"Which brings us back to why we are here." Marik said. "I have come to realize that all of our attempts at beating Yugi have failed except for spamming his YouTube profile. Which is why I say that we forget about the other plans and go back to the basics."

"Don't tell me we're going to go back to challenging him to card games?" Bakura asked.

"No you fool." Marik said. "We are going to use cyber bulling!"

"Are you serious Marik?" asked Dan Green.

"Very serious Dan Green." Marik replied. "With the plan I have we shall destroy not only the Pharaoh but his reputation and his fan base."

"Wow." Rex said. "That sounds awesome."

"Yeah he he." Weevil said. "But uh how you going to do that?"

"It is quite simple." Marik said. "We are going to post videos of the Pharaoh on websites like Facebook and MySpace and YouTube."

"How the bloody hell is that going to help?" Bakura asked.

"Using highly expensive and sophisticated video and audio editing software we shall make it seem like the Pharaoh is using the catch phrases from the worst of all the Yugioh shows." Marik said.

"You mean Yugioh GX?" Bakura asked. Marik shook his head no. "Yugioh 5DS then."

"You know something Bakura?" Marik asked. "Everyone is always saying that Yugioh 5DS wasn't that good. Personally I think it was amazing."

"You actually liked Yugioh 5DS?" Bakura asked.

"Well what's not to like? It has some pretty cool cards and not to mention all those kick ass motorcycles. And the story arcs are pretty incredible." Marik said. "And Yusei is an awesome protagonist. The only other protagonist that's as tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious as Yusei is the Pharaoh. Not to mention the fact that he has a frigging bad ass tattoo and a midriff almost as excellent as mine."

"When the bloody hell did you see Yusei's midriff?" Bakura asked.

"Well it was during that one episode where they undressed him and were shocking the hell out of him." Marik said. "I only got a chance to see it once but I could tell that Yusei had a midriff as glorious as my own."

"Well if you're not going to use Yugioh 5DS or GX quotes then that can only leave.." Bakura's face turned to one of shock. "Marik you can't be serious?"

"I am one-hundred percent serious Fluffy." Marik answered. "We are going to post videos of the Pharaoh saying the catch phrases from Yugioh Zexal." Everyone in the tomb gasped.

"Marik that is truly evil!" Dan Green said.

"What quotes are you going to use Marik?" Pegasus asked.

"We're going to put things like 'Get set to get decked' and 'I'm feeling the flow.'" Marik said.

"He said flow." Rex said.

"I don't get." Weevil said.

"Marik those are the gayest catch phrases in Yugioh since Jaden's 'Get your game on.'" Bakura said.

"Hey that's a good idea Bakura!" Marik said. "Let's use Jaden's catch phrase too."

"But how will that destroy the Pharaoh's reputation and fan base?" Zorc asked.

"Don't you get it? If the fans see these videos they'll think that the Pharaoh supports Yugioh Zexal." Marik said. "All his fans will leave him thinking he's about as gay as Zexal."

"Marik you truly are going to hell." Teddy said.

"Thank you Teddy." Marik replied. "Now everyone to the computer chamber!"

"I think I'll go to the Council of Doom library and see what exactly happened to me in the manga." Pegasus said.

"Pegasus are you sure you want to do that?" Bakura asked.

"I must know the truth Bakura." Pegasus said.

"Okay but don't say I didn't warn you." Bakura said. As everyone walked to the computer chamber Dan Green looked at Bakura and saw Bakura wearing a look of confusion.

"What's the matter Bakura?" Dan Green asked.

"Oh I'm just trying to figure out how this plan is going to come around and bite Marik in the ass like all the other plans." Bakura said.

"I heard that!" Marik yelled.

Bakura looked over at Dan Green and said "I didn't exactly whisper it did I?"

**Deep beneath the ocean's surface…**

Inside the break room Alister, Raphael, and Valon were sitting around a small table having lunch.

"I'll tell you mates there's nothing better than old fashion homemade wallaby stew." Valon said. Just then Dartz walked in and saw his henchmen having their lunch.

"Greetings all might and powerful Dartz." Alister said.

"What are you duschbags doin' man?" Dartz asked.

"We're having lunch boss." Raphael said.

"Why are you in here eating man? It is time for our evil council meetin' man." Dartz said.

"Crickey is it that time already?" Valon asked looking at his watch.

"Yeah man." Dartz replied.

"Well we've already made our lunches so do you think we could have the meeting in here Master Dartz?" Alister asked.

"I suppose we could man." Dartz said. Dartz walked over to the table and sat down. "Now then we must think of a pwan to defeat Marwik and Yuguy Mutoe once and for all man." Everyone just looked at each other trying to think of something.

"Doesn't anybody have an idea?" Dartz asked.

"Not that I can think of boss." Raphael said.

"What if we replaced Yugi's hair conditioner with a sort of hair dye?" Alister asked. "So that when he uses it his hair turns some ridiculous color like pink or neon."

"Man that is the oldest trick in the book man." Dartz said. "I should know man. I'm like 10,000 years old man."

"Sorry Master Dartz." Alister said.

Dartz turned to Valon and Raphael. "Do either of you two have an idea?" Raphael shook his head no.

"I've got nothing too Master Dartz." Valon said and then returning to his stew.

"What is that you're eating man?" Dartz asked.

"It's my homemade wallaby stew." Valon said. "Here let me get you a bowl." Valon went over to the pot and poured a bowl of stew for Dartz. "Here you go Master Dartz." As Valon walked towards Dartz with the hot stew he tripped over Alister's coat and spilled the stew onto Dartz's crotch. Dartz jumped up screaming "My dck's burning! My dck's burning!" Alister stood up to help but Dartz knocked into him causing a book of some kind to fall out of Alister's coat.

"I got you boss." Raphael said. Raphael then dumped an entire pitcher of water on to Dartz's crotch. Dartz calmed down and looked at his crotch.

"Man first my dck was burning up and now it looks like I pissed myself." Dartz said. Dartz saw the book on the floor and picked it up. "What's this man?" Dartz opened the book and then his eyes widened. "Man this is a book filled with Yaoi art man." Valon and Raphael came around the table and looked over Dartz's shoulder.

"Well throw another shrimp on the barby and shot the nuts off a kangaroo it's Yaoi art about us." Valon said.

Raphael looked closely at one of the pictures. "Is it just me or does this picture look like me getting it on with Master Dartz?" When the three of them looked at it closely all three villains raised their heads from the book with widened eyes and Dartz slammed it shut.

"That stuff will haunt my dweams tonight man." Dartz said. "Who's book is this anyway?" Dartz checked inside the cover of the book. "This book of Yaoi belongs to Awister." Dartz, Valon, and Raphael looked at Alister who had been trying to look innocent.

"Okay fine I'll admit it!" Alister said. "I am a Yaoi artist! And some of my pictures are of us doing strange and erotic things to each other!"

"But why?" Valon asked.

"Well you are the only guys I hang out with on a regular basis." Alister said. "And you're all really buff and masculine."

"No I meant why Yaoi." Valon said. "Why not just become a fanfic writer?"

"Oh. Well I'm not very good at writing fanfics. And I am better at drawing then anything." Alister said.

"Man where do you get the inspiration for this stuff?" Dartz asked.

"Well most of it are dreams that I've had about you guys over the years." Alister replied.

"And to think we sleep just one room down from him." Valon said.

"He sounds about as obsessed about this stuff as Marik Ishtar." Raphael said. Just them Dartz got an idea.

"I just got an idea man." Dartz said. "Awister I think there might be away for you to use your Yaoi skills to defeat Marwik."

"Really? You think my Yaoi's could bring about Mariks defeat?" Alister asked.

"Yeah it could man." Dartz said.

"Then I am at your disposal sir." Alister said. He then grabbed his book, opened to a blank page, grabbed a pen out from a coat pocket and said "Now what would you like me to draw Master Dartz?"

**Meanwhile back in Egypt…**

The entire council was in the computer chamber. The Moon Steve's were hard at work on the computers.

"Now then using our superior moon software rather than your primitive earth ones we were able to manipulate the Pharaohs voice so that it would sound like he himself are saying these catch phrases." Steve Luna said.

"Excellent!" Marik shouted. "Now then I command you to post those videos onto the varies websites!"

"As you wish Master Marik." Luna said.

"You know I have a feeling that this plan might actually work." Dan Green said.

"I wouldn't hold your breath." Bakura said.

"Master Marik the videos have been posted." Luna said.

"And the comments are coming in like hungry hippos man." Umbris said.

"Yes it has begun!" Marik shouted. "The fans are seeing the Pharaoh saying all these gay catch phrases and now they'll stop supporting him. His life will be cast into a sea of self-pity and loneliness! Ahaaaaaaaaaaa! We've won at last!"

"Master Marik that is not completely true." Luna said.

"What the **EFF** do you mean it's not true?" Marik asked. The entire council walked over to the computer screen to see the comments. "What the **EFF** is this sht? These people are supposed to be hating the Pharaoh right now not saying that he's awesome and quoting the quotes! How did this happen!"

"It seems you didn't take a certain key factor into your plan Marik." Bakura said.

"And what would that key factor be Bakura?" Marik asked.

"It simple. The Pharaohs voice. It's all deep and sexy so no matter what he says it will sound cool." Bakura asked. "He could say something absolutely ridiculous like 'I like boobies with jam' and with his voice it will sound cool and important."

"Curses I forgot about that!" Marik screamed. "Curse you Pharaohs voice!"

"He said bobbies." Rex said as he and Weevil laughed.

"There is one more thing you should know Master Marik." Luna said. "After checking the official Yugioh website it would seem that because of our videos the fan base and ratings for Yugioh GX and Yugioh Zexal have increased."

"Well done Marik. Thanks to you the Pharaoh has made Yugioh GX and Yugioh Zexal very popular." Bakura said.

"Alright you don't have to rub it in Fluffy." Marik said.

"Hey guys there's some kind of fan art posted on Facebook." Umbris said.

"This is no time to be checking out fan art Umbris." Marik said.

"Well I'm checking it out any way." Umbris said. He clicked on the link and the picture popped up and when it did Umbris took one look at it and then clamped his hands over his eyes stood up and ran away yelling "My eyes! My eyes! Their burning!"

"What the devil was that all about?" Bakura asked.

"I'm not sure but it must have to do with that picture he found." Marik said.

"But what is it a picture of?" Zorc asked. The council leaned in to look at the picture.

"My god it's a Yaoi pic of naked Marik having sex with a naked Yuma!" Bakura shouted.

"Who the hell would make something so horrifying?" Marik asked. He checked the comments and read aloud "Yaoi art created by Alister and posted by Dartz!"

"It seems Dartz is trying to make it seem like you're a pedophile on top of being gay Marik." Bakura pointed out.

"How many times do I have to tell you people?" Marik asked. "I am not gay!"

"Hey look people are commenting on the picture." Zorc said.

"Well then let's see what they have to say." Bakura said sitting down to the computer. "It seems like the furry Joey Wheeler has left a comment."

"What'd he say?" Dan Green asked.

"He says 'Geez Marik I always knew you were queer but this is ridiculous. You're like twice Yuma's age.'" Bakura read. Marik pushed Bakura aside and started to type his own comment. As he did he said it aloud.

"I am not gay or a pedophile! I only like women! Full grown sexy women!" Marik yelled at the computer. Then more comments came in that read 'Right.' and then Tristan left a message reading 'I don't believe you.'

"No! Because of this well-drawn picture my reputation as the most evil and straight villain in all of Yugioh is ruined!" Marik shouted. "Cures you Dartz!" Marik slumped down on the desk and started crying. Just then Pegasus came in to the computer chamber furious.

"They kill me off in the manga?" Pegasus yelled. "How could they kill me off? I created duel monsters! Without me how could the card game advance!"

"I told you you wouldn't like the truth Pegasus." Bakura said. Pegasus then noticed Marik sitting at the computer desk crying his eyes out.

"What in the name of all that's camp happen in here?" Pegasus walked over to Marik. "Marik what happened?"

Marik sat up and pointed to the computer. "This is what happened!"

Pegasus looked at the computer screen and saw the picture. "I say isn't that Yuma from Zexal?" Marik nodded yes. "Hm." Pegasus said. "I wonder if he would like to see my funny bunny."

_-After Marik stopped crying they took Umbris to the hospital to get his eyes treated. Pegasus did ask Yuma if he wanted to see his funny bunny. To his disappointment Yuma declined._


	2. The One With DrZ

**Somewhere in Egypt…**

Bakura was sitting down waiting for the meeting to begin. He looked around the tomb feeling like something was missing.

"Okay why is it so quiet?" Bakura asked. "Where is everyone?"

"Well Steve Luna is still at the hospital taking care of Steve Umbris while his eyes heal." Zorc said.

"Oh that's right." Bakura said. "Who knew that Umbris had a rare Mooninite disease that would make his eyes burn out of their sockets if he saw a picture of two naked anime characters having sex."

"Luna said that it's a rare moon disease that affects one out of seven Mooninites." Zorc said. "And Marik is still pacing in his room trying to figure out a plan to get back at Dartz for the Yaoi picture he posted."

"Terrific. I wonder what sort of moronic and juvenile plan he'll come up with this time." Bakura wondered.

"I suggested a plan to him but Marik turned it down." Zorc said. "He thought it would be too obvious."

"What was your plan Zorc?" Bakura asked.

"I thought we could buy some Swedish chocolate and switch out the chocolate with Exlax and then send the box of ExLax chocolates to Dartz." Zorc explained. "Then when he ate the chocolates he would get diarrhea."

"Why Swedish chocolate? Why not just buy ordinary chocolate?" Bakura asked.

"Because the chocolate made in Switzerland is the finest in the world." Zorc said. "And the fact Switzerland is a great country. The have cuckoo clocks, chocolate, Swiss bank accounts, the Alps, and yodeling. I love Switzerland. It is one of the few places I can't destroy."

"Right then I'm going to enjoy the peace and tranquility before Marik comes bursting out with one of his fool plans." Bakura said. Bakura had just sat down in a chair when Marik came bursting out of his room screaming "I've got it! I know how we can get back at Dartz!"

"Well at least I got to enjoy the whole five seconds of silence." Bakura said.

Then Marik cried out "Evil Council of Doom members assemble!" Dan Green and Teddy walked into the room just as Pegasus came running into the meeting in his bathrobe and a shower cap on.

"What the **EFF** are you doing Pegasus? Why are you wearing nothing but a bathrobe?" Marik asked.

"Well you called for us to assemble just as I was about to take my fabulous bubble bath." Pegasus explained. "So I just grabbed my bathrobe and here I am."

"Yes along with your…personal belongings." Bakura said. Pegasus got the hint and fixed his bathrobe.

"So what's your plan to get back at Dartz Marik?" Dan Green asked.

"We are going to desend upon Dartz and his henchmen under a cloak of darkness." Marik said. "Then we will infiltrate their headquarters, make our way to Dartz's shower, and then steal every single drop of conditioner he posess."

"Why the bloody hell do you want to steal Dartz's hair conditioner?" Bakura asked.

"Well you've seen his hair right? I mean it's so frigging long and awesome looking!" Marik said. "He has to have some sort of special conditioner."

"And how will stealing his conditioner defeat Dartz?" Bakura asked.

"His hair won't be as awesome as it usually is! He'll have some many split ends and frizzes it will make Bakura's hair stand on end." Marik said. "His life will be thrown into so much hair related chaos Dartz will have no choice but to take down the Yaoi pic and concede defeat to us! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"That plan is simply fabulous." Pegasus said. "I'm almost out of hair conditioner myself and once we steal Dartz's I won't have to buy more. I just hope that it's the same brand I use."

"That plan really sucks." Rex said.

"Yeah man it sucks." Weevil said.

"Well I don't remember asking you two so shut the **EFF** up!" Marik told them.

"I agree with Rex and Weevil this plan does suck but I would like to volunteer to join this mission." Bakura said.

"Are you serious Bakura?" Marik asked.

"Yes. As much as I hate Umbris he is a member of our council." Bakura said. "And because of Dartz he's in the hospital with his eyes burning in their sockets. No one harms another member of this council except for me and Melvin and gets away with it. We owe it to Umbris to do something to get even."

"That's the spirit Bakura!" Zorc shouted. "I'm going too and while I'm there I will destroy Dartz's headquarters!"

"And I will send Dartz to the seven layer of hell!" Teddy shouted.

"He will rue the day he ever heard the sexy man voice of me famous voice actor Dan Green." Dan Green said.

"Then we are all in agreement!" Marik shouted hosting the Millennium Rod in the air. "We shall go forth and take Dartz hair conditioner once and for all! For Steve Umbris, for our Council of Doom!"

"For Switzerland!" Zorc shouted as the entire council left the tomb.

**Deep beneath the ocean's surface…**

"Everybody get in here!" Dartz shouted. "We got us a new member!"

"Crikey a new member?" Valon said. "I'd better throw another shrimp on the barby." Then Valon reached into a box of shrimp and threw another one on his barby.

"So who's joining us now Master Dartz?" Alister asked.

"Everyone feast your eyes on the guy known as… Dr. Zeeeeeeeeeeee…eee" Dartz said. Then a short white haired old guy dressed up to look like a scientist walked in.

"Hello there everyone." Dr. Z said.

"Boss is this for really? Are you really letting this guy join of council?" Alister asked.

"Of course you asshoe!" Dartz said. "We made a crucial blow to Marwik with Awisters Yaoi pic man and now that he is weakened we need to deliver another blow to Marwik. And with the Dr. Z's help we will defeat Marwik Ishtar and Yugi Mutoe once and for all man!"

"But boss how can he help us? Our show revolves around playing children's card games." Valon said. "Dr. Z's from Dinosaur King. His show revolves around chasing dinosaurs all over the world."

"That may be true but that doesn't mean I don't have any experience with trading cards." Dr. Z said. He then reached into his lab coat and pulled out a Tyrannosaurs Rex card. "You see in my show the dinosaurs can transform into trading cards."

"The dinosaurs transform into trading cards?" Valon asked.

"That is correct." Dr. Z told him.

"You've got to be kidding?" Valon asked. "There's no way that that card is a dinosaur."

"Perhaps you should demonstrate what your trading cards can do Dr. Z." Dartz told him.

"Well then if you insist Dartz." Dr. Z said. The doctor reached into his lad coat and pulled out the Alpha scanner and then swiped the card through it. "Show yourself Terry!" Then a red life size T-Rex appeared.

"Holy #$% on a #$% sandwich!" Alister cried.

"Sweet jumping kangaroos!" Valon shouted.

"What did he say?" Dr. Z asked.

"Valon said holy f#$% in Australian." Alister said.

"Oh I see." Dr. Z said. He then recalled Terry and placed him back into his card.

"Well are you duschbags convinced now?" Dartz asked.

"I'm convinced that dinosaurs can transform into trading cards." Alister said. "But I still don't see how this is going to defeat Yugi and Marik?"

"Do I have to expwain everything to you duschbags?" Dartz asked.

"Apparently so." Valon said.

"We send the doctor here to challenge Yugi Mutoe to a card game man. And when Yugi goes of his Do Monsters cards the doctor summons out the Terwe!" Dartz said.

"And then what?" Alister said.

"**EFF**! I hadn't thought that far man." Dartz said. "Um…then Terwe…eats Yugi's Grandpa!"

"You're going to have Terry eat Grandpa Muto?" Valon asked.

"Why the hell are we going to have Terry eat his grandpa?" Dr. Z asked.

"Because when Yugi watches his grandpa gets eaten he will loss the will to do!" Dartz said. "And if Yugi won't do then there will be no one to stop us and without his grandpa to run that card shop we'll be putting a business out of business."

"And then I can pursue my dream of building my dinosaur kingdom and becoming Dinosaur King!" Dr. Z shouted.

"What the hell are you taking about?" Alister asked.

"You see if I help you guys beat Yugi Dartz has agreed to help me build my dinosaur coliseum." Dr. Z said. "There I will have dinosaurs fight for the entertainment of all and I will rule over it as a king!"

"So let me get this straight you want to build a coliseum where these dinosaurs can fight one another for people's entertainment?" Valon asked. "And you want to rule over it and call yourself a Dinosaur King?"

"Precisely." Dr. Z said.

"That is by far the gayest thing I have ever heard." Valon said.

"Not to mention the stupidest." Alister said.

"How dare you mock my dreams you fools! Prepare to feel my wrath!" Dr. Z shouted. He pulled out the Alpha scanner again and swiped Terry's card. "Alpha slash! Get them Terry!"

Outside the room in the hallway Marik, Bakura, and the others were trying to sneak through Dartz's headquarters trying to find his shower. Before arriving Marik had changed into a ninja custom. They were passing the meeting hall when they heard Terry's roar and Valon and Alister screaming in fear.

"What in the name of all that's camp was that?" Pegasus asked fixing his rob.

"I don't know and I don't care." Bakura said. "Let's just find the conditioner and get out of here." As they walked Pegasus had to fix his robe again.

"Pegasus why didn't you change before we left?" Zorc asked.

"Well I was caught up in the heat of the moment and just forgot about it." Pegasus said fixing his shower cap.

"I wish I could forget about it." Bakura snared. "Marik how much longer is this going to take?" Marik looked back at Bakura and started making weird gestures with his hands. "Marik would you please stop waving your hands in the air and just speak."

Marik pulled off the ninja mask and said "But I can't talk Bakura I'm a ninja and ninja's don't talk."

"But you just did." Bakura pointed out.

"Crap in a bucket." Marik said. "I am a horrible excuse for a ninja."

"Enough of the ninja bulls#$t." Bakura said. "Let's just find Dartz conditioner and get out of here."

"But this place is like huge." Rex said. "I mean it's bigger than Mai Valentine's boobs."

"Yeah and even those are pretty huge." Weevil said.

"What we need are directions or even a sign." Dan Green said.

Bakura turned to Dan Green and said "Do you honestly think that there's going to be…"

"Hey guys look direction signs." Zorc said. Everyone looked in front of them and say arrows painted on the wall pointing to different rooms.

"Excellent! Now we can find Dartz's shower." Marik said. He ran up to the arrows and started to read them off. "Let's see gym, meeting hall, swimming pool, room full of souls taken from people using the Seal of Orichalcos, bingo living quarters. Follow me my evil council." Marik started down the hall and his council followed. They reached the end of the hall and found four doors. "Oh great!" Marik said. "Now how are we supposed to know which of these is Dartz's room?"

"I think it's this one Marik." Bakura said pointing to one door.

"How can you be sure Bakura?" Dan Green asked.

"Because it says 'Dartz's Room' right here on the door." Bakura said.

"Good work Fluffy!" Marik said. "Now let us go inside and complete our mission." Once they stepped inside Dartz's room Pegasus went crazy.

"Would you get a load of this place?" Pegasus said. "It's even more fabulous than my bedroom. Everything matches perfectly and it's all colored coordinated. In fact this place makes my room look so tacky."

"Shut up about your bedroom Pegasus and help us find the bathroom." Marik commanded.

"Could it possibly be behind the door over there with 'Dartz's Bathroom' on the door?" Pegasus asked.

"There is but one way to find out." Marik said. Marik opened the door and they all marched into Dartz's bathroom.

"I don't believe it." Bakura said. "This bathroom's bigger than the entire tomb."

"I could almost live in here." Dan Green said. "I wonder if Dartz would charge rent."

Marik stopped in front of Dartz's shower. "This is it gentlemen. Soon we shall have our revenge and Dartz's hair conditioner." Marik pulled back the shower curtain only to see the Pharaoh taking a shower.

"What in the name of Ra are you doing Marik?" the Pharaoh asked. "If I don't even let the fan girls watch me shower what makes you think that I'm going to let you." The Pharaoh pulled the shower curtain back and left Marik standing there confused.

"Marik do you have it?" Bakura asked.

"Have what?" Marik asked slowly recovering.

"An inflamed appendix." Bakura said sarcastically. "Dartz's bloody hair conditioner you twit!"

"Not yet." Marik said.

"Why the bloody hell not?" Bakura asked.

"Well when I pulled back the curtain the Pharaoh was in there showering." Marik explained.

"Marik what would the Pharaoh be doing in Dartz's shower?" Bakura asked.

"Well duh taking a shower Bakura." Marik said. "What else is he going to be doing, his nails?"

"Move out of my way you fool." Bakura commanded Marik. Marik stepped aside and Bakura pulled back the shower curtain and saw nothing but an empty shower.

"Hey what's the deal? Where'd the Pharaoh go?" Marik asked.

"Enough! Let's just get the conditioner and go!" Bakura declared. Marik got into the shower and started to check out all the bottles that were there.

"There's just so many bottles I don't know which one it is." Marik said. "We're going to have to call in the expert on this on Bakura."

Bakura turned around and said "Oh Pegasus could you come here for a moment?"

"What is it?" Pegasus asked.

"We need you to identify which of these bottles is Dartz's hair conditioner." Marik said.

"Well then let me take a look." Pegasus said climbing into the shower. "Let's see here moisturizer cream, bubble bath, shampoo, moisturizing bubble bath new formula, that's strange."

"What? What is strange?" Marik asked.

"I didn't know that Kaiba boy had his own line of soaps." Pegasus said.

"Never mind Kaiba's soap! Just get the conditioner!" Bakura yelled.

"Now there's no need to shout Bakura I have it right here." Pegasus said holding up the bottle.

"Excellent work! Now then gentlemen back to Egypt!" Marik declared. The council of doom turned around and came face to face with Terry at full size.

"What the bloody hell is that?" Bakura asked.

"This is Terwe and he's going to be the end of you duchbags!" Dartz said walking in. He was followed by Alister, Valon, and Dr. Z.

"Dartz you will pay for posting that Yaoi of me and that Yuma kid!" Marik shouted.

"I doubt that man." Dartz said. "Let me introduce you to my newest member, Dr. Z."

"Hello you fools." Dr. Z said.

"Why the bloody hell did you let him join your council?" Bakura asked. "He's from that show Dinosaur King."

"That maybe but they do deal with trading cards on that show and that's good enough for me man." Dartz said. Dartz then looked at Marik and saw the bottle of conditioner in his hand. "That's my hair conditioner man!"

"That's right we've got it! And there's not a damn thing you can do about it!" Marik said.

"You're right man there's nothing I can do but there is something Dr. Z can do." Dartz said.

"That's right! I can have Terry destroy you all!" Dr. Z cried. He pulled a move card from his jacket and swiped it through the Alpha scanner. "Go Neck Crusher!" Terry then charged forward towards Marik, Bakura, and the others.

"Ah it's so cute!" Zorc said. "I want to play with him. Come here little Terry!" As both councils of doom watched in shock and horror Terry lunched forward and bit Zorc in his dragon penis, spun him around, flung him into the air, and when Zorc came back down Terry swatted Zorc with his tail and sent him flying. When Zorc hit the ground he could be seen clutching his crotch and crying.

"Zorc are you alright?" Bakura asked.

"I think Terry broke my dragon penis!" Zorc cried.

"What the **EFF** was that? I thought you said that move was called Neck Crusher?" Marik yelled.

"Yes well Terry does have a tendency to fight dirty." Dr. Z said. Terry then turned his attention to the rest of the council. "Oh and don't even think of trying to use your trading cards to stop Terry because they won't work."

"And why not?" Marik asked.

"Because my cards and your cards come from two different shows. They won't have any effect on each other." Dr. Z explained.

"If that's the case then we're like totally screwed aren't we?" Rex asked.

"Yeah I think we are screwed." Weevil said.

"Silence you fools! We are not screwed just yet. We can still think of a plan to escape." Marik reassured them.

"Yes but what could we possibly use to get past Terry?" Pegasus asked.

"Maybe if we could blind them all or cause a blackout. Then we could sneak right past them." Dan Green said.

"Excellent plan Dan Green except we don't have anything to cause a blackout or blind them." Teddy said.

"We may have something." Bakura said.

"And what would that be Florence?" Marik asked.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this but Pegasus show them your funny bunny." Bakura said.

"Bakura are you sure about this?" Pegasus asked.

"Yes. It may distract them long enough for us to turn off the lights and sneak out." Bakura said.

"Well then if you insist." Pegasus walked up to the front to the council to face Terry, Dartz, Dr. Z, Valon, and Alister. Terry walked up to him jaws open ready to eat Pegasus when Pegasus grabbed his robe. "Prepare yourself Dartz to see my funny bunny!" Pegasus took of his robe and exposed himself to everyone in the room. Terry took one look and ran away.

"What the **EFF**'ing hell man!" Dartz said trying to block his eyes.

"He scared off Terry." Alister said.

"I'd run away to if I were Terry." Valon said. "Just look at the size of that thing!"

"Now Bakura the light switch!" Pegasus yelled. Bakura ran over and flicked off the lights casting the entire bathroom into darkness. Dartz found another switch and turned the light back on.

"Damn man they got away with my conditioner!" Dartz yelled. He turned to Dr. Z and shouted "This is all your fault man!"

"My fault! How the hell is this my fault!" the doctor asked.

"If your over grown lizard would have attacked Pegasus instead of running away I would still have my hair conditioner!" Dartz yelled.

"I don't have to take this kind of abuse from you!" Dr. Z yelled. "I quit the evil council!"

"You can't quit man because you're fired!" Dartz shouted. "Have your desk cleaned out by the end of the day man!"

"I don't even have a f#king desk here!" Dr. Z shouted.

"Then I guess you can just leave man!" Dartz said.

"Fine by me!" Dr. Z shouted. As Dr. Z stormed out of the bathroom he ran into Raphael and said "Your boss the stupidest mother f#ker I have ever met!" and he left.

"Yeah sometimes I feel that way too." Raphael said. He then walked into the bathroom.

"Hi Raphael." Valon said.

"Where the **EFF** have you been all day man?" Dartz asked.

"I was out shopping." Raphael said. He then reached into the bag he was caring and threw a bottle at Dartz.

"What the hell is this man?" Dartz asked.

"More hair conditioner." Raphael said.

"But how did you know Marik stole Master Dartz's old conditioner?" Alister asked.

"Marik did what?" Raphael asked.

"He and his council stole the bottle of hair conditioner that was in Master Dartz's shower." Valon said.

"Well there going to be sorry they did." Raphael asked.

"And why is that man?" Dartz asked.

Raphael faced Dartz and said "Because that bottle…"

**Back in Egypt…**

Marik walked into the tomb and placed the conditioner on the table. "Excellent work my evil council." he said. "Now thanks to us Dartz doesn't have any hair conditioner. He will have more split ends then Yugi has screen time. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"That's great and all Marik but I think we should take Zorc to the hospital to get his dragon penis checked out." Bakura said.

"Good call Bakura." Marik said. "And while we're there we can stop by to see Steve Umbris."

"Well if you guys are going to do that I think I'll take my bath now." Pegasus said.

"Oh wait a minute Pegasus." Marik said. Marik then tossed the bottle of conditioner to Pegasus. "Use this. It will add insult to injure for Dartz when he finds out that his conditioner was used on the hair of someone in our evil council."

"That sounds simply fabulous." Pegasus said. Pegasus opened the bottle to see if there was enough to do his hair when his face turned from one of joy to bitter disappointment.

"Um Marik you may want to take a look at this." Pegasus said.

"What Pegasus? What is it?" Marik asked.

"This bottle of conditioner is empty." Pegasus said.

"What the **EFF** do you mean it's empty?" Marik yelled. Bakura walked over and took the bottle from Pegasus.

"He's right! Dartz must have used up the last bit and forgot about it!" Bakura shouted. "Do you know what this means Marik!"

"That we should have checked the bottle before we left?" Marik asked nervously.

"It means you took us on another bloody fool's mission!" Bakura shouted. "We snuck into Dartz's headquarters, almost risked being eaten, and having to Pegasus funny bunny for nothing!"

"Well we stole the bottle from him so the trip wasn't a total waste." Marik said. Bakura had a look of pure rage when he walked up to Marik. Bakura reached around Marik's body and pulled the Millennium Rod from behind him.

"Ah Bakura what are you doing with my rod?" Marik asked. Bakura took off the end part of the rod to expose the sharp pointy end.

"I figured I would give you a five second head start." Bakura said.

"You've got to be kidding?" Marik asked.

"Times up Marik." Bakura said with an evil smile.

"Oh come one you're not going to do any…" Marik could not finish his sentence because he was running around the tomb screaming like a girl as Bakura tried to stab him with the Millennium Rod.

Dan Green looked at Zorc and said "I told you this was going to happen someday."

_-Dan Green, Rex and Weevil, and Teddy took Zorc to the hospital to get his dragon penis checked out. It turned out that Terry had broken Zorc's dragon penis. He had to wear a cast that looked like a dog cone for four weeks._


	3. The Spa and Anime Milwaukee 2012

**Somewhere in Egypt…**

In the secret headquarters of the Evil Council of Doom Marik was ready to get the meeting underway.

"Alright people I call this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order." Marik said.

"But we can't start yet." Dan Green said. "Bakura's not here yet."

"What? Where the hell is he?" Marik asked.

"Perhaps he's just running late." Pegasus suggested.

"That doesn't sound like Bakura. I mean the guy's just so punctual." Marik said. Then the door opened and Bakura stormed in not looking to happy.

"Well it's about time Fluffy." Marik said.

"Shut up Marik and just start the damn meeting." Bakura growled.

"Oh aren't we in a mood." Marik said.

"Don't push me Marik or any of you." Bakura warned. "If any of you annoy or piss me off I shall kill you, or send you to the Shadow Realm which ever I fancy."

"Right, first off I would like to say welcome back to Steve Umbris." Marik said. "The doctor says that his eyes have healed and his vision is 100% better."

"Yeah man I got the whole 22-22 vision." Umbris said.

"Perfect vision is only20-20." Bakura said.

"That is merely for you earthlings." Luna said. "We Mooninites have 22-22 vision. Proving once again that we of the moon are far superior."

"You know I am tired of hearing about the moon." Bakura said. "The next time you talk about the moon I shall ravage you with my face."

"Now on to new business." Marik said. "I have developed the perfect plan to defeat Yugi Muto once and for all."

"Oh great! Another plan to defeat Yugi." Bakura mocked. "So what's the 'brilliant' plan this time Marik?"

"We shall go to the Kaiba Corp building and we shall kidnap Seto Kaiba." Marik said.

"Don't you mean Mokuba Kaiba?" Zorc asked. "After all he's the Kaiba everyone kidnaps."

"No you fool! We shall kidnap Seto Kaiba!" Marik said.

"How the bloody hell is that going to defeat Yugi?" Bakura asked.

"Simple. With Kaiba gone Yugi will have no one left to play card games with." Marik said. "It will drive him insane and then we send him a note saying we'll give back Kaiba if he surrenders to us."

"That plan might not work." Rex said.

"Yeah Yugi and Kaiba hate each other's guts. Yugi might just say the hell with Kaiba and go out and find a new rival." Weevil said.

"I know man why don't me and Luna play a tag team card game with them?" Umbris said.

"We already tried that Steve." Luna said. "What we should do is kidnap both Kaiba and Yugi, take them to the farthest corner of the moon and flay them with moon rope."

"I told you what I was going to do the next time you talked about the moon." Bakura growled.

"You cannot hurt me." Luna said. "We from the moon possess…" Bakura lunged at Luna and started to ravage him with his face. Marik and Dan Green pulled Bakura off of Steve Luna.

"Jesus Bakura I have never seen something so disturbing." Marik said.

"Can't say I didn't warn him." Bakura said.

"Why don't we just send Kaiba and Yugi straight to hell?" Teddy asked.

"You know I am really tired of your constant talk about hell and Satan." Bakura said.

"Oh shut up Bakura. You don't scare me." Teddy said. "You're just some limey that looks like a kitty."

"You keep it up and I'll tear your f$%ing head off and rip all the fuzz and fluff out of you!" Bakura warned.

"Get bent, Fluffy." Teddy mocked.

"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO KILL THIS MOTHER F$%ER!" Bakura shook off Dan Green and Marik and took the Millennium Rod from Marik. He took off the end and proceeded to stab Teddy, repeatedly. By the time the council got Bakura off of Teddy it was too late for Teddy.

"Dude I think he's dead." Weevil said.

"Look at all the fuzz." Rex said.

"Bakura you killed Teddy!" Pegasus said.

"What the **EFF** is with you today Bakura?" Marik asked. "You just murdered a member of our council and ravaged a Steve all with a period of five minutes."

Bakura looked at the rest of the council and sighed. "I just feel stressed and a little irritated." he said.

"A little irritated?" Marik asked.

"How come you're so stressed out Bakura?" Dan Green asked.

"Well for one thing I haven't had any bloody screen time in the show since the end of season two and I don't make a full come back until the Dawn of the Duel arc." Bakura explained. "So until that time I've been trying to find some temporary work but every show out there won't let me on."

"How come?" Zorc asked.

"They say I'm too evil and they're afraid I might kill them all." Bakura said.

"Understandable at this point." Pegasus said looking at Teddy.

"So I've been coming to these meetings actually hoping we would defeat and destroy Yugi but do we? Absolutely not!" Bakura yelled. "We keep going along with the stupid plans Marik comes up with and end up running out on some mission that ends in totally failure! It makes me sick!"

"Hey don't be knocking my plans! My plans are great!" Marik said. "They end up failing all the time because you clowns can't carry them out! And besides that Princess I don't hear you coming up with any plans to beat Yugi."

Bakura held the Millennium Rod up and said "What was that you said Marik? I don't think I heard you."

"I forgot you had my rod. Um I said 'You are right Bakura. The plans I create are stupid. They keep failing because they totally suck. I am sorry." Marik said. "How's that?"

"Better." Bakura said lowering the rod and handing it back to Marik.

"So how come you were so irritated when you came in." Weevil asked.

"I met some crazed fan girl who thought I was Bastion from Yugioh GX." Bakura said with a shudder.

"It must be the accent." Zorc said.

"Okay gentlemen it seems we have a new mission at hand." Marik said.

"And what would that be?" Bakura asked.

"Relieving you of your stress and irritableness before you kill all of us." Marik told him.

"But how shall we do that?" Bakura asked.

"Why don't we send Bakura on a company retreat?" Zorc asked.

"We don't have the money for something like that." Marik said. "Besides I have a better idea. Let's send him on vacation to Egypt."

"Marik we're in Egypt." Bakura pointed out.

"Precisely my point! You won't have to pack your luggage or spend any money! You could just act like a tourist and check out the sights here!" Marik explained.

"Marik I am a 5000 year old Egyptian spirit. Everything in Egypt I have already seen. Hell I even saw the first stones being placed for the pyramids." Bakura said.

"You know you could get laid Bakura." Dan Green said. "When I was in acting school and I got stressed out I used to go down to this little bar where the chicks outnumbered the guys three to one. I would single out a hot chick, walk up to her and activate my sexy man voice. After hearing it the ladies could never resist the manliness that is Dan Green. They would be begging me to sleep with them."

"So what you are suggesting is that I go to some bar, find a really hot woman, and then woe her with my British accent and sleep with her?" Bakura asked. Dan Green nodded and Bakura said "I think I'll pass."

"You know what I do when I feel simply un-fabulous?" Pegasus asked. "I go to the spa and get a complete massage."

"Pegasus I would sooner banish myself to the Shadow Realm than let you give me a massage." Bakura said.

"That's it! That is what we shall do!" Marik exclaimed.

"You're going to try and send me to the Shadow Realm?" Bakura asked.

"No! We are going to take you to the spa for a complete day of rest and relaxation!" Marik said.

"I suppose that could work." Bakura said.

"Then it is decided!" Marik yelled. "Come my evil council to the spa!" As everyone started to leave Zorc took out and ripped up broachers to Switzerland.

"There goes my company retreat vacation." he said sadly.

**Deep beneath the ocean's surface…**

"Awright duchbags listen up!" Dartz said. "I have a very important announcement to make."

"We have another new member?" Valon asked.

"No." Dartz replied.

"You have figured out the ultimate plan to crush Marik?" Alister asked.

"No."

"You're getting your hair cut?" Valon asked.

"No." Dartz said with a tone of annoyance and rage.

"We're going to go to Anime Milwaukee?" Raphael asked.

"No! Wait minute I mean yes!" Dartz cried. "We are going to Anime Miwak!"

"Really boss? We're going to Anime Milwaukee?" Alister asked.

"Yeah man! I figured it was about time for a company vacation." Dartz said.

"I can't believe it! I'm actually going to be at Anime Milwaukee!" Valon said.

"Yeah I heard their going to have special guests like Uncle Yo and Wendy Powell and Spike Spencer there." Alister said.

"They aren't the only ones you will be there man." Dartz said.

"Who else is going Master Dartz?" Valon asked.

"He is man." Dartz said.

"He's going to Anime Milwaukee?" Alister said.

"That's right man." Dartz said. "The greatest of the great. The one true legend man. The guy known as…WittleKuriboh."

"Well pour me another piping out bowl of wallaby stew and shave my dingo!" Valon said.

"That's great! I can finally get an officially Yugioh the Abridged Series t-shirt." Alister said.

"What one are you going to get?" Raphael asked.

Alister turned to him and said "The one that says…."

Then off stage Jack can be heard screaming "CARD GAMES ON MOTERCYCLES!"

"Did you guys hear something?" Valon asked.

"Probably just the wind." Alister said.

"Now than before we go off to Miwak we got to go over some rules." Dartz said. "Remember to have you I.D.s out before we get to the door. Therefore we'll be able to get it quickly. Once inside the con man stay together I don't want to loss you guys."

"Once we get inside could we go see LittleKuriboh and get some t-shirts?" Alister asked.

"That is what I was gonna say next asshoe! When we get inside we will go and see the WittleKuriboh." Dartz said. "And another thing make sure you keep your passes with you at all times so we can aw get in and see the good stuff man. And remember to be on your best behavior man."

"Um boss the convention starts in two days. Are we going to make it in time?" Raphael asked.

"I have booked us an overnight flight man." Dartz said. "If we can get packed right way we'll be able to leave and get there tonight man."

"Well what the hell are we waiting for?" Alister yelled. "Let's get packed!" As his henchmen left to pack Dartz remember something else he wanted to say.

"Awister remember to pack your underwear this time man!" Dartz yelled.

"Don't worry Master Dartz I will!" Alister said.

"You had better." Valon said. "Cause if you don't you're going to be sleeping out in the hall if we have to share rooms again."

"Dude it was one time and I said I was sorry." Alister said.

"But still what kind of guy sleeps naked knowing he has to share a bed with another bloke?" Valon asked.

"Apparently Alister." Raphael said.

**Meanwhile at the Ishtar Spa…**

The entire council was at the spa with Bakura. Rex and Weevil and the Moon Steves were all getting massages.

"I will admit the earth massagers are fairly good but compared to the moon muses the aren't as good." Luna said.

"Yeah but their just as hot." Umbris said.

"You can say that again." Weevil said.

"Hey baby." Rex said to a muses. "Come to Raptor."

Pegasus and Zorc were in the hot springs relaxing. "Now this is the way to make one feel absolutely fabulous." Pegasus said.

"I wonder if it's helping Bakura calm down?" Zorc wondered.

"Well I haven't heard of any deaths since we arrived here so I think it's working." Pegasus said.

"Either that or no one has pissed him off yet." Zorc said.

"That's probably it." Pegasus said. Inside the spa Bakura, Marik, and Dan Green were in the steam rooms.

"So Bakura are you feeling any better?" Marik asked.

"I believe I am Marik." Bakura said. "Pegasus was right a day at the spa does relieve one of stress."

"And it makes you feel simply fabulous." Marik said.

Back out in the hot springs Pegasus was looking around. "Someone just used my catchphrase." he said. Back inside the spa Bakura and the others were enjoying the steam room when the door opened and the Pharaoh, Joey, Kaiba, and the others walked in.

"What in the name of Ra are you guys doing here?" the Pharaoh asked.

"We came for a little rest and relaxation." Marik said.

"That's right. Trying to constantly destroy you has stressed us all out." Bakura said.

"So we figured a day at the spa would be just what we need to recharge our batteries." Dan Green said.

"What a coincidence we came to rest and recharge too." Joey said.

"How come you guys need the rest?" Marik asked.

"To be honest it's because you guys keep trying to kill us and conquer the world." Kaiba said.

"What?" Bakura asked.

"You guys keep trying to destroy me and Yugi and take over the world. After a while of fighting to defend a planet you do get tired." Yami explained.

"I never thought of it that way." Marik said.

"So whether you guys care or not we're going to use this steam room as well." Yami said. After a while of sitting in the steam room everyone seemed to be getting along okay.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Marik said.

"No Marik we don't." Bakura said.

"When we all got together and did the Leather Pants video." Marik said.

"Dat was a good video." Joey said.

"Yes and it was a catchy tune." the Pharaoh said. "Me and Bakura we shall have our revenge. Him and me will take your leather pants."

"Stop singing! I command you to!" Marik yelled. "You're butchering my song Pharaoh!"

"Oh sorry." Yami said.

"This is the proper way to sing Leather Pants." Marik said.

"Marik you know how much I hate that song." Bakura said.

"Oh come now Bakura live a little." Marik said.

"Hey we'll even join in Marik seeing as how we were in the video with you." Joey said.

"Excellent idea Steve! Now we have all the members of the original cast with us!" Marik said. "We have no choice now! We must perform Leather Pants once more!"

"Marik I am warning you now. If you disturb my relaxation with that song I will send you to the Shadow Realm in a heartbeat." Bakura warned. Marik of course didn't hear this warning and started the music up and began to sing.

"Well you can't say I didn't warn him." Bakura said as he pulled out the Millennium Ring.

He started singing the first few notes. "Oooooooooooooo. Let's take his leather pants." After the last note Marik fell to the floor unconscious.

"Sweet jumping sarcophagus!" the Pharaoh yelled.

Bakura tucked the Millennium Ring away and sat back in his seat. He put his feet up and placed his hands behind his head. "You know I do believe I feel 100% better now." he said.

"You sent Marik's soul to the Shadow Realm just as he was about to sing his favorite song." Joey said. "Man you really are one of the most evil villains on this show."

"And don't forget it." Bakura said.

"Um Bakura you might want to put your legs down." Kaiba said. "We can all kind off see your d%k."

Bakura put his legs down saying "Opps sorry about that."

_-When Bakura brought Marik's soul back from the Shadow Realm Marik was really pissed at him. Marik started to yell and threaten Bakura and Bakura was getting annoyed by this. So he just sent Marik back to the Shadow Realm._

**Meanwhile in Milwaukee…**

Dartz, Valon, Raphael, and Alister arrived at the location of the convention. "You see man we are the first ones here!" Dartz shouted regarding the fact that there wasn't a line.

"That's because the convention doesn't start for another two days." Raphael said.

"Do you awways have to be such a little bitch?" Dartz asked.

"So what are going to do for two whole days?" Valon asked.

"That's easy man. We just camp out here so we can be first in line when the con starts." Dartz said.

"Where are we going to sleep?" Alister asked.

"I packed us some tents man." Dartz said.

"Okay so what about food?" Raphael asked.

"What about it?" Dartz asked.

"Did you pack enough food for two days of camping?" Raphael asked.

"I knew I forgot something." Dartz said. "And that's what the **EFF** it was."

"We have to camp out here for two days without any food?" Valon yelled.

"Don't worry man I have a pwan." Dartz said. "This is a company retreat man so what we'll do is we will just get some food at the restaurants and put it on the company credit card."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Alister said.

"The only thing is we're going to need someone to stay here and hold our spot." Dartz said. Immediately Dartz, Valon, and Raphael held their index fingers to their noses and said "Not it!"

"Damn it! I keep forgetting about that!" Alister said.

As the others walked away Alister was left all alone in front of the convention building. "I hope they at least bring me back a doggie bag." he said.


	4. Marik Buys A Car

**Somewhere in Egypt…**

"So then Jennifer Aniston asked me 'and what would the title of this episode be called?' and I said it would be called The One With Zorc Destroying the World." Zorc said.

"Incredible." Bakura said. "Now that's an episode of FRIENDS I wouldn't mind watching."

"Unfortunately due to some confrontation between me and the directors and scriptwriters the episode was never made." Zorc said.

"What? But that's absurd." Pegasus said. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure. It was like there was a conspiracy against me the whole time I was there! I still think it was Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer that convinced the directors not to make my episode." Zorc explained. "For some reason they just didn't seem to like me very much."

"But why would they not like you Zorc?" Dan Green asked.

"I don't know." Zorc said. "I think they were just jealous of my acting talents and thought I would replace them."

"I liked watching FRIENDS." Rex said. "The chicks on that show all had big thingies."

"Yeah. It was great." Weevil said.

"I have to admit my favorite character was one Chandler Bing." Steve Luna said. "His jokes were quite superb."

"Man I didn't like Chandler too much." Umbris said. "I think his constant jokes were annoying."

"Speaking of constantly annoying jokes has anyone seen Marik?" Bakura asked.

"I haven't seen him since Teddy's funeral last week." Pegasus said.

"You just had to bring that up didn't you?" Bakura growled.

"Oh come on Bakura the funeral wasn't that bad." Pegasus told him.

"Really. Let us review what happened. First we arrived at the funeral and nearly got thrown out because everybody didn't care about the funeral anymore. They just wanted to hear Dan Green voice act using his sexy man voice." Bakura said. "And if that wasn't bad enough Rex and Weevil started to hit on every woman there."

"Well of course we were how else were we going to score?" Rex asked.

"Then at the reception Marik tried to make a speech and started to cry and then he got so drunk he took of his top, exposed his midriff, and began to sing a good bye song for Teddy." Bakura said.

"He does like to expose his midriff a lot doesn't he?" Dan Green said.

"Well when you got it flaunt it baby." Pegasus said. Just then Marik walked in to the tomb from the garage door.

"Excellent you're all here." Marik said.

"Marik where have you been?" Bakura asked. "The meeting started ten minutes ago."

"I have been working Bakura." Marik said. "Working on my latest evil plan to use against Yugi Muto and I must say it is the evilest plan I have ever came up with."

"That sounds simply fabulous." Pegasus stated. "What is your plan Marik?"

"Follow me my evil council to the garage!" Marik commanded. The others followed Marik into the garage where they noticed something sitting in the garage under a tarp.

"Marik what the bloody hell is that?" Bakura asked pointing at the tarp.

"Just my latest and greatest purchase! With it we can put my evil plan in to motion! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Marik said. Marik removed the tarp to expose that he had bought a car.

"You bought a car." Bakura said.

"Not just any car. A Cor-freaking-vette!" Marik shouted.

"And what does a Corvette have to do with destroying Yugi?" Bakura asked.

"It is simply evil. First we track down Yugi Muto and then I drive down the same side of the street that he's on. Then when I catch up to him I go 'Hey Yugi check out my new Corvette.' Then he'll be all like 'That is the most super special awesome car I have ever seen! May I ride in it?' Then I tell him he can go for a ride tomorrow and that I'll meet him at his grandpa's game shop." Marik explained.

"And how is giving Yugi a ride going to destroy him?" Pegasus asked.

"Are you going to crash the car into a telephone pole or drive it off a cliff?" Bakura asked.

"Even better! I'm not going to show up at all to give Yugi his ride!" Marik shouted. "Can you just picture it? Yugi standing in front of his grandpa's game shop waiting all day for me. His anxiety and excitement levels will be so high that not even the Pharaoh will be able to deal with him. And then when he realizes I'm not coming he will sink into a state of depression so low that not even card games will make him happy! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…HA."

Pegasus was examining the car when he said "You know something Marik I had you pegged more of a motorcycle guy than a car guy."

"I am a motorcycle guy. My original plan involved using that motorcycle Nicholas Cage used in Ghost Rider but some one else bought it before I could." Marik said.

"Was this some else Dartz, Marik?" Bakura asked.

"No it wasn't Dartz." Marik said in a mocking way.

"Then who was it?"

"I'd rather not say it's kind of embarrassing." Marik said.

"You know I had a car just like this when I was a teenager." Zorc said.

"What happen to it?" Dan Green said.

"I accidently destroyed it." Zorc said.

Rex and Weevil walked up to the Vette and started to check it out. "Dude with this car we could score like tons of chicks."

"I know. We could be up to my bowel hair cut in Bobbies." Weevil said.

"Enough of this talk of motorcycles and bobbies!" Marik said. "We have an evil mission to accomplish and a nemesis to destroy. Moon Steves get on the phone with Yugi's grandpa and find out where he is."

"I am sorry Master Marik but we cannot." Luna said.

"What! What do you mean you cannot?" Marik asked.

"It's our day off man." Umbris said.

"If it's your day off then way did you come to the council meeting?" Bakura asked.

"We got bored and decided to visit." Umbris said.

"Fine! If you won't do it then I suppose I'll have to call Grandpa Muto." Marik said picking up the phone.

"Wait a minute there isn't a phone out here." Bakura said. "Where did the bloody hell did that one come from?"

"TV convince." Marik explained as he dialed. "Hello. Is this Yugi's grandpa? I was wondering where Yugi is. My name? My name is, uh, Malik Blishtar. Yes I am one of Yugi's naive, moronic friends. I was wondering if you knew where he is right now. Uh huh. Oh is he? Okay. Well thank you Grandpa Muto. What? No I don't know. Have you checked all of your cupboards? Uh huh. Why would it be in there? Uh huh. I don't know I don't live with you."

"MARIK!" Bakura shouted.

"I've got to go Grandpa! What? Okay I will. Yes, yes good bye." Marik then hung up the phone.

"Well?" Bakura asked.

"Well what?" Marik said.

"God damn it Marik where the hell is Yugi?" Bakura yelled.

"Oh right! Grandpa Muto says that Yugi's at the KaibaCorp!" Marik said.

"Good. Now that we know that let's get this stupid plan over with." Bakura said.

"Come my evil council! Let us track down our enemy and vanquish him with the power of this kick ass Corvette!" Marik commanded.

"Umbris and I shall remain here and enjoy our day off." Steve Luna said.

"Good luck muchacho." Umbris said.

"I don't need luck." Marik said.

"Just a brain." Bakura growled.

"Exactly." Marik said. "Hey wait a minute!"

**Deep beneath the ocean's surface…**

Raphael, Alister, and Valon all walked in to the meeting hall to await Dartz's arrival.

"Where's Master Dartz?" Alister asked.

"I don't know. When it's time for our meetings he's usually the first one here." Valon said.

"I just hope the plan he comes up with this time doesn't involve us going to do anyone or try and take their dicks." Raphael said.

"You know I've been thinking about that and I think what Master Dartz really wanted us to do was duel Marik and take Yugi's deck." Valon said.

"Well that would make much more sense." Alister said. Just then Dartz came in to the room.

"Awright my fwiends it is time for our evil council meeting. So gather around everybody." Dartz said. "Now then I say we get on with the readin' of the minutes of our last meeting. So Valon if you would?"

Valon stood up with a pad of paper and began to summarize the last meeting. "During our last meeting Master Dartz decided to take us to Anime Milwaukee. When we arrived it turned out Master Dartz forgot to pack food so we left Alister alone to hold our spot in line and went to eat. Unfortunate for Alister we forgot to bring him back some food."

"I still don't get how you guys could have forgot." Alister said. "I called every fifteen minutes to remind you!"

"Yeah well we got annoyed that our phones kept goin' off so we just turned them off man." Dartz said.

"When the convention actually started we got through the door with ease and proceeded to the LittleKuriboh booth. There Alister bought a card game of motorcycles T-Shirt and got LK too autograph it." Valon said. "Then when Master Dartz asked to purchase the 'Looks like the rules just got screwed' t-shirt he learned they were out of his size."

"I still can't believe that man!" Dartz shouted. "Who the **EFF** goes to a con and doesn't bring enough shirts man?"

"It was at this point that Master Dartz began to chuck a wobble and the security guards had to throw him out of the con just like he was last month's crocodile casserole and lizard pot pie." Valon read. "However using his keen instincts and sharp mind he was able to sneak back in saying that he was Takahata101 and we all enjoyed the rest of the convention."

"I can't believe the guards were dumb enough to believe that you were Takahata101." Raphael told Dartz.

"Well man when you got it you got to flaunt it baby," Dartz said.

"It sure was nice of LittleKuriboh to sign my shirt." Alister said checking out the Card Games on Motorcycles T-shirt he was wearing.

"Okay now that the readin's done let's move on to new business." Dartz said. "Now I have come up with a new evil pwan to beat Yugi Mutoe."

"Oh god please don't tell me we have to do him." Raphael pleaded.

"Now man we aren't going' to do him." Dartz reassured him. "We are going to give him a ride in my new car man."

"You bought a car Master Dartz?" Valon asked.

"Not just any car Valon but a Ferrari just like the one Tom Selleck used in Magnum P.I.!" Dartz said.

"You're joking." Alister told him. "There's no way in hell you have a Magnum P.I. Ferrari."

"Then follow me asshoes to the garage!" Dartz commanded. They all walked into the garage and Valon and Alister's jaws dropped.

"Well shave down my dingo and skin me a lizard!" Valon said. "It really is a Magnum P.I. Ferrari!"

Alister walked around the car and then gasped in excitement. "Look! It even has the Robin One license plate!"

"I told you douchebags I had a Ferrari." Dartz said.

"But how's a Ferrari going to beat Yugi?" Raphael asked.

"It's very simple man. First we find Yugi Mutoe and then we drive up next to him and be all like 'Hey Yugi Mutoe check out my Ferrari.' and then he'll be all like 'That is all super special awsome man! Can I ride in the Ferrari man?' and then we say he can ride in the Ferrari." Dartz explained.

"But then we don't give him his ride at all right Master Dartz?" Alister asked.

"No dude. We are going to give Yugi his ride in the Ferrari." Dartz said.

"And how's that going to destroy him?" Valon asked.

"Because man once Yugi is in the Ferrari we then drive it off a cliff!" Dartz told them. "And then we will be rid of Yugi Mutoe."

"You know there something I don't get." Raphael said. "I thought you were going to buy that motorcycle that Nicholas Cage had in ghost rider."

"Which motorcycle?" Valon asked.

"The one that he would ride when he transformed." Raphael said. "You know with the skull and the flames."

"Yeah I remember." Valon said.

"Yeah well I was going to buy it but then somebody else beat me to it." Dartz said.

"Who was it?" Alister asked.

"I can't say man it's too embarrassing." Dartz said. "But enough talking about that! We have an enemy to destroy man! And after Yugi we will take down Marwik Ishtar!"

**Outside of KaibaCorp…**

Marik pulled the Corvette into the KaibaCorp parking lot with Bakura in the passenger seat and the rest of the council following behind in a van. Marik parked the car and jumped out wearing a pair of really cool sunglasses.

"Marik why are you wearing those sunglasses?" Bakura asked. "It's not even that bright out."

Marik wiped them off his head and said "I'm wearing them because they make me look totally badass."

"More like just totally ass." Bakura grumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"You better watch yourself Bakura I still haven't forgiven you for sending me to the Shadow Realm during our last meeting at the spa."

"Are we going to go and find Yugi or are you two just going to stand around and bicker with each other?" Pegasus asked.

"We were getting to it Pegasus." Marik said. "Now then let us put my evil plan into motion. Me, Bakura, Pegasus, Zorc, and Dan Green will go and seek out Yugi. Rex and Weevil, you two stay here and watch the Corvette."

"Uh, okay dude." Rex said.

"And no riding around trying to pick up chicks." Bakura told them.

"Damn it Bakura." Weevil said.

"Enough! I command you all to shut the **EFF** up!" Marik told them. "Now my evil council fan out and find that card game obsessed high school student!" As the others left to find Yugi, Rex and Weevil got into the Corvette and just sat there already looking board.

"You want to go and pick up chicks?" Rex asked Weevil.

"Ummm, okay." Weevil said. Meanwhile Marik and Bakura were searching everywhere in order to find Yugi. We they couldn't find him they met back up in front of KaibaCorp with the others.

"Do you see him anywhere Fluffy?" Marik asked.

"Marik how many times do I have to tell you not to call me Fluffy in public?" Bakura said.

"Silence yourself and answer the damn question." Marik commanded.

"No Marik I didn't see him." Bakura growled.

"Anybody else see anything?" Marik asked.

"I saw a sign in the ice cream shop window that said 'Buy one cone, get the second free." Zorc said.

"Buy one get one free? That's ingenious!" Marik proclaimed. "With that bargain we could all get two ice cream cones for the price of only one!"

"Do you think after we find Yugi we could get some ice cream?" Pegasus asked.

"Yeah Marik could we get some ice cream?" Dan Green asked. "I now have a craving for a chocolate and vanilla twist."

"Okay but only after we find Yugi and in act my master plan." Marik said.

"Well you won't have to look to hard now." Bakura said. "Here he comes." Bakura pointed towards the entrance and everyone looked. Yugi and Kaiba were walking out talking to one another.

"Here he comes! Quick everybody hide around the corner!" Marik told them. They all hid around the corner of KaibaCorp and pecked their heads around to watch Yugi and Kaiba. Yugi and Kaiba walked out talking about a duel they just had.

"I can't believe you summoned a bunch of monsters in one turn again." Yugi said. "It is against the rules."

"And it's like I say all the time." Kaiba told him. "Screw the rules I have money."

"Oh yeah? Well, screw your money Kaiba I'm the King of Card Games!" Yugi told him. Kaiba was taken back while the evil council gasped.

"Take that you bloody rich bastard." Bakura whispered.

"Okay I see how's it's going to be." Kaiba said. He turned around and was going back inside KaibaCorp and shouted "Have fun playing card games with someone that isn't me."

"Yeah because you're such a challenge." Yugi muttered. Yugi turned and began to walk away.

"He's leaving." Zorc pointed out.

"Excellent. Now we can put my plan into action." Marik said. "Quickly my council to the Corvette!" They all ran back for the parking lot but when they got there Marik came to a sudden halt and let out a very loud, high pitched girly scream of terror.

"Marik do you mind not doing that?" Bakura told him.

"It's gone! The Corvette's gone!" Marik shouted.

"What do you mean it's gone?" Bakura asked.

"Just look around you Fluffy! This is where we parked it and I don't see it anywhere around here!"

"But what could have happened to it?" Dan Green asked.

"I can probably tell you in three little annoying words." Bakura said. "Rex and Weevil."

"Those two mother **EFF**'ers! When I get my hands on them I will stab them with my rod!" Marik shouted.

"Can we get some ice cream now?" Zorc asked.

"No!" Marik shouted. "We have to defeat Yugi first and then find Rex and Weevil."

"It looks like someone else is going to do that for us Marik." Bakura said pointing towards Yugi. Marik looked to see a red Ferrari heading towards him being driven by Alister, Valon, and Raphael.

"What the frigging hell are they doing here?" Marik asked.

"It seems as if Dartz came up with the same plan as you did Marik." Pegasus said.

"It looks like their using a Magnum P.I. Ferrari." Zorc said.

"Now there's a super special awesome car." Dan Green said.

Marik however didn't think so and became so angry that he pulled out his Millennium Rod, uncovered the end, and threw it and the left front tire of the Ferrari. The rod pierced the tire causing it to explode which lead to Alister losing control of the car. The Ferrari hit the curb, flipped over Yugi, and crashed into a fire hydrant and exploded. Marik's Millennium Rod was thrown into the air dew to the explosion and Marik caught it in his hand. He covered the end back up and put the rod away. The others were just staring at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Marik that was totally badass." Bakura said.

"Yeah I know." Marik replied.

"Can we get ice cream now?" Zorc asked. Everybody looked at Marik with sad puppy dog faces.

Caving in to the faces Marik went "Alright! Alright! We shall go forth and get some ice cream." As the council walked across the street a motorcycle stopped in front of the ice cream place.

"Hey isn't that the Ghost Rider motorcycle?" Dan Green asked.

"It is." Bakura said smirking. "Now we can see who bought it before Marik." The rider put the kick stand down, got off his bike, and removed his helmet. When he did the entire council gasped except for Marik who tried to hide. The rider turned to face them and it was none other than Tristan Timothy Taylor.

"You've got to be kidding." Bakura said. "You got beat out by that moron?"

"I told you it was embarrassing." Marik told him.

"Can we please go and get some ice cream now?" Zorc asked.

"Yes!" Marik shouted. "But afterwards we have to stop at the store and get some pudding."

"Why do we need to pick up pudding?" Bakura asked.

"Because I promised Grandpa Muto I would." Marik said.

_- When the council finally walked into the ice cream shop Bakura ordered strawberry ice cream. After finishing his ice cream Tristan got back on his bike and acted like he was the Ghost Rider. He decided to try and drive up the side of Kaiba Corp and ended up crashing into the side of the building. To everyone's disappointment Tristan walked away perfectly fine._

Just down the street from the ice cream parlor Rex and Weevil were standing by the Corvette, which they had just driven into a telephone pole. "Dude you can't drive for s#t." Rex told Weevil.

"You were the one driving dumbass." Weevil said. "Besides I drove your mom last night."

"Shut up ass munch that was your mom and I was the one driving her." Rex said.

"Damn it Rex!" Weevil shouted. They both turned back to the destroyed car. "What do you think we should do about this?" Weevil asked.

"Maybe we should just go and get some nachos." Rex said.

"Ummmmmm, okay." Weevil said. As they walked away Marik and Bakura turned the corner with Marik caring a bag of pudding for Grandpa. When Marik saw the car he dropped the pudding and let out another high pitched, girly scream of terror.

He took a step forward and shouted "That was a $65,000 car!"

"And it only took Rex and Weevil 65seconds to total it." Bakura said. Upon hearing this Marik fainted and fell backward onto Grandpa's pudding cups. The pudding exploded all over Marik covering him and his midriff in chocolate and vanilla pudding. "Oh just great!" Bakura said angrily. "Now we have to walk all the way back to the store and buy Grandpa more pudding!" As he walked over Marik's unconscious body Bakura said "Nice going Marik."


End file.
